sometimes...

 Sometimes I watch my boys when they are asleep and pray over them.
Sometimes I hold them so tight and wish I could freeze time.
Sometimes I try and think about my life before they came and wonder how I ever filled the minutes. i can not remember.
Sometimes I think about them as big people. What kind of big people will they be? Will they remember that I prayed over them when they were asleep?
Sometimes I get nervous that this world will harm them, scar them- it will surely disappoint them.
Sometimes I want to abandon my grown up day plans and just be a fly on the wall and watch them clumsily yet beautifully navigate the demands of their day. I know I would be inspired.
Sometimes I feel the need to tell them a million times a day that I love them, thinking this love will carry them through all of life's waters. It won't. Only God's love can. Yet I tell them as a sort of desperate insurance policy.
Sometimes...